I love The Oceanaire Seafood Room. I don't like scombrotoxic fish poisoning. And I love 89.3 FM, 'The Current.'
Why is this pertinent? While I know my favorite seafood restaurant is wholly capable of leaving me with projectile diarrhea, rash, flushing, sweating and splitting headfuck, it does little to curb my desire to eat there. Likewise, every now and then, 89.3 plays a song by Death Cab for Cutie. Is it enough to deter me from listening? No, but it's about as fun as a barbed-wire catheter.
“Your heart is a river, that flows through your chest, through every organ. Your brain is the dam, and I am the fish, who can’t reach the core.”
That is an actual lyric—go ahead and do a web search. First time I heard it, I felt that I'd been sodomized by his words. For the rest of the song, I clenched my asshole tighter than A-Rod in a playoff at-bat.
If I wanted to hear lyrics that sound as if they’re plagiarized from a Raffi B-side, I wouldn’t dial up a Seattle emo quartet. I’d just stay at home, run myself a hot bath, put on my Baby Beluga video cassette from when I was five years old, and pull the VCR into the tub with me.
